They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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