Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
