Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
