Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
