Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
