dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
