the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
