im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
