covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
