Someone shit on the floor
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
