You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
