Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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