she looked like the bat from fern gully.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
