OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
