Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
