listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
