so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
