ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
