Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're too hungover to prance.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
