The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Are we still banned from the library?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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