There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
