i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
