that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
