so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
