If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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