wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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