My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You are a genius and a whore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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