Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
