Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
