it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
