I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
