is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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