I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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