I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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