There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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