Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
