do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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