he wants to bone in the snuggie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
