hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
