The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
