I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
