I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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