my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
