I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
