singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love having hate sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
