its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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