I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
