U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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