youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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