Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my sisters under your porch take her home
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
