I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
